Inside-Out Pumpkin

Inside-Out Pumpkin
I don't usually laugh out loud when I look at the pumpkin carving contest submissions. I guess I am jaded. Most of the time I probably just look at the screen. The amount of amusement might cause my heart to beat an extra beat that minute, but that is about it.

I have never, ever, ever in the 10 years I have been on the internet spent any time ROFL or ROFLMAO. I don't roll on the floor, I especially don't roll on the floor laughing my ass off. If I ever started to do so, I would realize that I look like an idiot and that would cease all humor. ROFLMAO is the stupidest thing I have ever seen in print. If something is so cliche that you can make it an acronym, I no longer want to see it in print.

Spitting on the Keyboard is another thing you here about. "You owe me a new keyboard" is a typical response to something funny on the internet. The reader was apparently eating some creme brulee while surfing the net and when they stumbled upon a priceless gem of humor. At that instant, they were powerless and could not swallow. All they could do was launch the carmelized sugar crust and custardlike center onto their keyboard ruining it. Nothing I have ever seen online has ever made me spit on my keyboard. My coworkers have made me laugh so hard I have spit on my keyboard, but the internet can't possibly do it. The lack of other people in the room laughing kills the funny.

That said, I did almost smile when I opened up this photo. I may have even given half a smile. Usually I just squint my right eye and a slight smile results. Nice work.

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When I am not carving pumpkins, I run a bulletproof vest company. BulletSafe Bulletproof Vests are the value leader in body armor. We are very popular with people like armored car operators and ATM repairmen.