Usually, I don't publish the love letters. Mainly, they are sincere and personal. This one however, begs to be posted. DJ Dirty Dipthong sent in this fine love rap.
(S)he also included what is supposedly her picture. I know for a fact though, that the photo was from a Detroit hair show because it was in the local paper. You can't lie to me.
Yo, yo, check this Teon,
You the type of dude I'd like to be on.
I'd sho' like to flip your scali cap,
And give you something to really smirk at.
I'll take you back to my crib real quick,
First you fix my faucet, then you get wit this chick.
I ain't lyin' when I say I'm good in bed,
I'll smack it up, flip it, then drink a keg of Guiness to my head.
You'll lose your brain, beg for more, start actin' all quixotic,
I'll take your name, add my lap dance and get a recipe so exotic!
Now, you seem like the type that be all quiet and shit,
Bend over boy, and I'll show you how a real man gets wit it!
I know how to break you off so you won't be actin' so shy,
I'll bitch slap your candy-ass, then laugh at your BMI!
We can do some squats and stay in a position that's isometric,
I'll git your endorphins racing, you'll be feelin' all electric.
You can watch your Ps and Qs, cross your Ts and dot your Is,
All I wanna do is get in your pants and take inventory on your supplies.
Just ask Tim the Tool Man Taylor about the way I work a hand-held drill,
I got a license to drive you wild and a libido that gives Don Juan chills.
Instead of watchin' infomercials late nite with Dionne Warwick,
Let's knock boots to the break of dawn, then I'll call you Teon Soredick!
Boy, wit me our lovin' won't get tired, stale or lame,
We can do a doe-cee-doe, petticoat junction, switch your partner sort of game.
I like that rotisserie style lovin', so you betta know how to share,
Don't get all clingy, crazy, stalker or I'll throw your ass out wit no bus fare!
Then you'll have to stroke your own Skinny Puppy, and scratch your own itch,
Cuz this leopard won't change her spots, you can't tame this bitch!
On second thought, my lovin's so intense I don't think you can handle it,
So you're betta off carvin' pumpkins or eatin' dinners that are candle-lit.
But if you decide to take a chance with a freak that knows where it's at,
I'll come up on you sideways to break me off a piece of that!
That is great.