New - Martha Stewart

In August of 2005, the Martha Stewart people called me up and asked if I would like to do some pumpkin carving with Martha. Duh! of course. Martha is cool as heck in my book.

I am not sure if I am their type of guy or not, but I aim to please so I took out the old sketch book and tried to create some pumpkin ideas that would appeal to Martha's audience. Here are some of them.

Gummy Worms Pumpkin
Many Mom's and Dads have kids that enjoy the gross stuff. I know that I was one of those kids. I never grew tired of those cans of slime.

Here is a pumpkin ideas for people with kids like me. Drill a few holes in the pumpkin and put some gummy worms in them. Make the face appear to have the expression "I cannot believe worms are crawling from my cranium". It will be cool.
Spitting-Up Baby
Recently, I went to the waterpark with my 9 year old niece. It was lots of fun. One fun thing they had at the waterpark was a giant bucket that filled with water. When it was almost full, it would tip over and drench anyone who stood beneath it. I thought it was the coolest thing and so did all of the kids. Getting 500 gallons of water dumped on you is more fun than it sounds.

For this pumpkin I would employ the same "fill and dump" technology using a fishtank pump. The result would be a baby-faced pumpkin that would periodically spit-up. It will be fun.
Devil Horns Pumpkin
Using carrots for devil horns sounds like a fun idea. I think that my initial sketch of a devil isn't very good, but I like the idea of orange devil horns to match the orange skin of the pumpkin.
A Bull Pumpkin - Uses Turnips
This pumpkin would use turnips to make bull horns. I think it would be pretty cool.

I tried to think of a bunch of different ideas for other vegetables and their uses. My mind kept fixating on using straw to create a "bad hairplugs" pumpkin in homage to all of those dudes who have a ring of hair plugs on the front of their head.
Killer Pumpkin Pie
This idea is a bit strange and the sketch is almost terrible, but I think the actual result would be fairly cool. It would be a very large pie (made of upholstery foam) that would contain a killer pumpkin inside it. After all of those delicious pumpkin pies that we have eaten over the years this pumpkin pie would bite back.

By the way, I don't know if Martha will agree, but I like my pumpkin pie to include only nutmeg. I have nothing against cinnamon, allspice, ginger or cloves, I just prefer my pumpkin pie to have only the flavors of pumpkin, nutmeg, and fresh whipped cream. You have to have fresh whipped cream. I am sure that Martha and I would agree on that.
One Pumpkin Eating Another Pumpkin
A canibalistic pumpkin would be a fun addition to anyone's porch. It sure would be fun to see on halloween night.

Last year with my "Candy Trap" I learned that kids really do love to see spooky and scary things on halloween and this giant pumpkin is one of them.

Here is my script idea for Martha's show. Even if I am not on the show, I hope they will use it.

Martha invites a celebrity guest on her show to carve a pumpkin. Someone fun and innocent like Katie Couric. Martha's guest would be invited to carve a little pumpkin. Martha will carve a small pumpkin as well. "could you carve a sad face and I'll carve a happy face?" Martha will say. "Of course" Katie will say because she is so nice and agreeable.

When they are both done carving their little pumpkins, Martha could say "I carved a bigger pumpkin too. Do you want to see it?". Then BOOM! Martha trucks in this giant pumpkin and puts Katie's pumpkin in its mouth.

"Now doesn't that look nice?" Martha could say in her soothing voice.
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When I am not carving pumpkins, I run a bulletproof vest company. BulletSafe Bulletproof Vests are the value leader in body armor. We are very popular with people like armored car operators and ATM repairmen.